Between Friends

Ramu : (To Raju his friend). Raju, why didn’t
you write any letter to me?
Raju : I didn’t have your address.
Raju : Then, why didn’t you write to me that you
don’t have my address. I would have written to
you.

Mahesh : Rekha, if your clock shows thirteen,
what time is it?
Rekha : Simple, it is the time for bringing a
new clock to replace it.

Rohit : I got fired from my job as a waiter.
Mohit : Why so?
Rohit : I am too tough.
Mohit : what you mean?
Rohit : I don’t take orders from anybody.

Ramu : (To his friend). What should I become, a
poet or a Painter?
Friend : A painter.
Ramu : Why not a poet?
Friend : Because I have already heard your
poems.

A friend (to another) : Last night my neighbor
suddenly started banging on my door.
The second friend : You must have found it a
nuisance.
The first one : No. I continued singing as
before.

One friend : How do you make your wife listen to
what you want to say?
Other friend : I just talk in my sleep

1st fool : My ship got wrecked on the road.
IIst fool : How did you manage to escape?
1st fool : I escaped with the help of a
parachute

First neighbour : How did the naughty boy of
yours get hurt?
Second neighbour : The good boy of yours hit him
with a stone.

The first man : You are ugly.
The second man : And you are drunk
The first man : Yes, but in the morning, I will
be sober.

Daniel : I say, Harry, school is dangerous.
Harry : Why So?
Daniel : Because, the teacher says dynamites can
be found In the dictionary.

Ravi comes to Sujit’s house asking for his
physics note book.
Sujit : Please read it here itself. I can’t lend
it to you
To take it home.
(After 2 weeks)
Sujit : Ravi, can you give your broom to me? I
shall return It after half an hour.
Ravi : Sorry, friend. I can’t lend it to you to
take it home. You can use it here itself.

Jagan : I killed five files in which three of
them were female And the other two were males.
Magan : How did you know their sexes?
Jagan : Very simple: Three of them were sitting
on the lips While the other two were sitting on
the shaving box.

Kishan : How many marks did you get in social
sciences yesterday, Mohan?
Mohan : Ten less then my sister.
Kishan : How many marks did your sister get?
Mohan : My sister got ten.

Ram : I’ve been swimming since I' was two years
old.
Suresh : Really : Then you must be fully tired.

Raju : Meena, I have come to invite you to my
birthday party.
Meena : Tel me where do you stay.
Raju: Turn left, reach the second street and the
first house Is mine. Ring the bell with your
chin.
Meena : Why should I ring the bell with my chin?
Raju : Well, I don’t think you will come
empty-handed.

Ram : My cat was on television once.
Hari : Really?
Ram : Yes. Then my mother chased it off so that
she could dust The set.
Madhu : Gopu, tel me what’s the greatest race on
earth.
Gopu : Horse race.
Madhu : No.
Gopu : Marathon race.
Madhu : No. It’s human race. But you ‘re not
included In that.

Tom : Well, my mother’s so fat that when her
clothers are
Given to the laundry the launderer says, “Sorry,
we don’t wash a Circus tent”.

Chandra : My father jumps into the Narmada and
comes out of The Cauveri.
George : My father jumps into a tank and comes
out of the tap

Meena : Did you get any nice wedding present?
Tina : Well, my brother promised me a good
mixer.
Meena : That was very nice of him.
Tina : No, it was not. When I opened the parcel
there was a Big wooden spoon.

Ram : Som, I see you’ve got a new dog. Is he a
watch-dog?
Som : Yes, he watches television.
Ram : How long has he been with you?
Som : Just two weeks and already he’s one-mand
dog. He Only bites me.

Molly : Polly, what’s your nationality?
Polly : Well, My father was born in Iceland and
my mother In Cuba.
Molly : Oh, then, you’re an ice cube

Satya : Why did not you go up and complain?
Praveen : I was practicing on my harmonium

Mohan : When I was singing on the stage
yesterday, someone Threw a slipper on me.
Mahesh : Then did you stop singing?
Mohan : No. What could I do with one slipper? I
sang till he threw another slipper.

1st man : I don’t remember I’ve ever borrowed a
100-rupee note from you.
2nd man : You borrowed from me when I was drunk.
1st man : Then I must have returned the money to
you when you were drunk too.

Ramesh : Why do carnivorous animals eat raw
meat?
Rajesh : The answer is a simple one. They don’t
know how to cook.

Once some friends were talking loudly. Then one
of them who Felt disturbed by the loud noise
said, “Please, don’t talk loudly With such loud
voice”.

Ramu : (To his friend ). What should I become, a
poet or a Painter?
Friend : A painter.
Ramu : Why not a poet?
Friend : Because I have already heard your
poems.

Shyam : Ram, do you know that in Russia they
keep a standing Army of a million men?
Ram : Why? Are they short of chairs?


Kallu : Babu, you look very much depressed. What
are you Thinking about?
Balu : My future.
Kallu : But what makes it look so hopeless?
Babu : My past.


Malu : Rajan, an ant came under the feet of an
elephant. But it did not die, why?
Rajan : Because the ant was wearing a helmet.

First boy : Have you ever seen the Catskill
Mountains?
Second boy : No, but I have seen them kill mice

Writer (to his friend) : What do you think of my
last book?
Friend : I am glad to hear that it is your last
book.

Ram : What do you get if you cross a frog and a
cola?
Shyam : A croak-a-cola.

Girl (to a boy) I heard something breaking.
Boy : Oh: Don’t worry. It was my promise to
mother to pass This year.

A boy : Does your watch tell the time?
A girl : No, you have to look at it.

Sudhir : Ooh, I just swallowed a fly:
Samir : Shouldn’t you take something for it?
Sudhir : No: I think it’s better to let it
starve

Bill : I have lost my dog.
Jill : Did you advertise for him in the
newspaper?
Bill : That couldn’t help. He can’t read.

Khan : My big brother shaves everyday
Abdul : My brother shaves fifty times a day
Khan : Is he crazy?
Abdul : No, he’s barber.

Ramu : Tell me, what did the great mathematician
do to Become so clever?
Ramesh : He swallowed a calculator, perhaps.

Raju : Is it correct to drink milk from a
saucer?
Balu : Yes, when you give it to a cat.

Tinu : Sonu, what is the other name for a wise
duck?
Sonu : A wise quacker.

A boy told his friend: Do you know that my name
has come In Guinness Book of Records?
Friend : What? How is it? What big thing you
have done?
Boy: Yesterday my father went to the Book Fair,
bought a Copy of Guinness Book of Records, and
wrote my name in it.