Sign in or 
Share this
142 Useless joke
Jokes
1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror! 10 Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans." 19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage" It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?" 23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. " When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya? (What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, ) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ? A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai. 41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat..... Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....?? Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..?? Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!! 52 43 Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father? Boy : As old as me. Man : How can that be? Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time? Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will. Customer : I bet you, it won't. Post Master : Why not? Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai. 47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan" After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour , Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey. Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!! gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja. Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya? Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.. A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat. Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho? Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai? Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay, Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
............................................................................................
2 Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror! 10 Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans." 19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage" It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?" 23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. " When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya? (What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, ) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ? A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai. 41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat..... Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....?? Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..?? Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!! 52 43 Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father? Boy : As old as me. Man : How can that be? Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time? Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will. Customer : I bet you, it won't. Post Master : Why not? Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai. 47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan" After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network Follows."
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour , Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey. Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!! gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja. Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya? Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.. A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat. Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho? Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai? Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay, Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
| | Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na |
| | phatjain, |
| | Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb |
| | hay. :) |
| | |
| 60 | aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay |
| | main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh |
| | apny dost say |
| | kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho |
| | ker |
| | yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy |
| | |
| 61 | Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai |
| | kya?' |
| | 'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!' |
| | |
| 62 | A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha |
| | Hoon". |
| | The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!" |
| | |
| 63 | Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty |
| | mein ek Aurat se takra betha. |
| | Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? " |
| | Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida." |
| | |
| 64 | Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he |
| | osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...! |
| | |
| 65 | Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he. |
| | |
| 66 | Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat |
| | ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon. |
| | |
| 67 | Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen. |
| | |
| 68 | <o:p>Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par |
| | ja rahi thi |
| | achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno ! |
| | kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ? |
| | kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii... |
| | larki ne aahista se kaha........ .. |
| | "to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo " |
| | |
| 69 | Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek |
| | bhi tili nahin jalti. |
| | Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu. |
| | |
| 70 | Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai? |
| | Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.... |
| | |
| 71 | Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.." |
| | Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!" |
| | |
| 72 | Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye |
| | Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye |
| | |
| 73 | Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam , |
| | Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam |
| | |
| 74 | Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai , |
| | Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai |
| | Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho |
| | mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho |
| | |
| 75 | rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum |
| | kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum |
| | |
| 76 | kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par, |
| | dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha, |
| | uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya, |
| | kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA |
| | |
| 77 | hi u all |
| | i hv one puppy 4 u |
| | 1puppy 4 ur friend |
| | 1 puppy for ur fri ke fri |
| | u know why??? |
| | becuz....... ..... |
| | ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai |
| | |
| 78 | Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai |
| | Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai |
| | Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain |
| | Kaho ik di kaho ik din |
| | Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din |
| | Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din |
| | merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din |
| | Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din... |
| | |
| 79 | dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh, |
| | uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :) |
| | |
| 80 | teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka |
| | maina |
| | tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too |
| | phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira |
| | banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair |
| | zata ha |
| | woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer |
| | pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo |
| | paisa |
| | left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo |
| | humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka |
| | astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha |
| | hum |
| | khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma |
| | gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara. |
| | |
| 81 | Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do. |
| | Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai |
| | Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ??? |
| | Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai. |
| | |
| 82 | Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower |
| | when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. |
| | Sardarji says "Yes". |
| | "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the |
| | thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji |
| | figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again |
| | walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the |
| | clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." |
| | The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This |
| | time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder." |
| | |
| 83 | A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he |
| | feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The |
| | lawyer turns around. |
| | "What the hell do you think you're doing?" |
| | "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm |
| | waiting in line." |
| | "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front |
| | of me, do you?" |
| | |
| 84 | Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? |
| | A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. |
| | |
| 85 | Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho |
| | khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho |
| | farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai |
| | or tum ghayal kar jati ho |
| | |
| 86 | janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai. |
| | dukan daar: je hai |
| | janab patan:eak kulo dado |
| | dukan daar: je janab |
| | janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai. |
| | |
| 87 | Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay |
| | main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay |
| | main |
| | 40 minut lagay |
| | |
| 88 | Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he |
| | Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha |
| | hota he. |
| | Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab |
| | uthe ga?" |
| | Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga |
| | |
| 89 | uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar |
| | mujhe |
| | pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga |
| | bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!! |
| | |
| 90 | aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay |
| | ho |
| | dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne |
| | pehna |
| | phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta |
| | hoon |
| | pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai |
| | shadi |
| | ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati |
| | dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain |
| | pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay |
| | dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid |
| | ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ?? |
| | |
| 91 | Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway |
| | station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. |
| | 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. |
| | He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' |
| | the second man asked & was handed a ticket. |
| | Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' |
| | 'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. |
| | 'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh |
| | |
| 92 | The Equation: |
| | |
| | 7 Glance = 1 Smile |
| | 7 Smile = 1 Meeting |
| | 7 Meeting = 1 Kiss |
| | 7 Kisses = 1 Proposal |
| | 7 Proposal = 1 Marriage - |
| | And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems. |
| | So beware of glance! |
| | |
| 93 | Plan For Future: |
| | Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future? |
| | Ram: I want 2 b a pilot. |
| | Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor. |
| | Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother. |
| | Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa. |
| | |
| 94 | Exams: |
| | Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS; |
| | 1,Too Many Questions. |
| | 2,Difficult to Understand. |
| | 3,More Explanation is Needed. |
| | 4,Result is always FAIL! |
| | |
| 95 | A man is dying of Cancer. |
| | His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of |
| | AIDS?" |
| | Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom |
| | |
| 96 | Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else |
| | Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. |
| | |
| 97 | Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? |
| | Pupil : The moon. |
| | Teacher : Why? |
| | Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives |
| | us light only in the day time when we dont need it. |
| | |
| 98 | Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? |
| | Pupil : A teacher. |
| | |
| 99 | Waiter : Would you like your coffee black? |
| | Customer : What other colours do you have? |
| | |
| 100 | My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. |
| | |
| 101 | Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot. |
| | Sam : It's a family tradition. |
| | Teacher : What do you mean? |
| | Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher. |
| | Teacher : What about your mother? |
| | Sam : She's a woman. |
| | |
| 102 | Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed? |
| | David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated. |
| | |
| 103 | Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? |
| | Student : Brotherly love. |
| | |
| 104 | Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? |
| | Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. |
| | |
| 105 | Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor? |
| | Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. |
| | Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died. |
| | |
| 106 | Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible." |
| | One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again. |
| | |
| 107 | Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?" |
| | One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime." |
| | |
| 108 | Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ? |
| | Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office |
| | |
| 109 | A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in |
| | particular |
| | She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname ! |
| | |
| 110 | koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli |
| | chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: |
| | Lagta hai pahunch gai :-) |
| | |
| 111 | Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it. |
| | Wife observes the whole episode |
| | Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this? |
| | Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly |
| | |
| 112 | What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai. |
| | |
| 113 | Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga. |
| | Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga. |
| | |
| 114 | Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? |
| | Banta singh: Post office. |
| | |
| 115 | Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya? |
| | Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....." |
| | |
| 116 | Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ... |
| | "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI" |
| | |
| 117 | Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho? |
| | Friend: B.A. |
| | Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte. |
| | |
| 118 | A friend asks sardar how was ur exam? |
| | Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'. |
| | |
| 119 | Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta. |
| | Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? |
| | Sardar: Phone karte waqt. |
| | |
| 120 | Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta |
| | latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun. |
| | |
| 121 | Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?" |
| | "Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?" |
| | |
| 122 | Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days |
| | because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women. |
| | |
| 123 | One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a |
| | building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh |
| | your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic. |
| | Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the |
| | tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. |
| | when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. |
| | |
| 124 | *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. |
| | His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was |
| | okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and |
| | at last wrote - THUNK !!!" |
| | |
| 125 | a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an |
| | accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the |
| | hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by |
| | ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him |
| | sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre |
| | and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced |
| | the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now |
| | what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident. |
| | He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from |
| | the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go |
| | where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume |
| | pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m |
| | a pagal but i m not a sardar. |
| | |
| 126 | Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire; |
| | But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why? |
| | Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters |
| | |
| 127 | TEACHER: Why are you late? |
| | L-JOHNY: Because of the sign. |
| | TEACHER: What sign? |
| | L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." |
| | |
| 128 | TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? |
| | L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables! |
| | |
| 129 | TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"? |
| | L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L" |
| | TEACHER: No, that's wrong |
| | L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it! |
| | |
| 130 | TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? |
| | L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!! |
| | TEACHER: What are you talking about? |
| | L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O! |
| | TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? |
| | L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables! |
| | |
| 131 | TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. |
| | GEORGE: Here it is! |
| | TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America? |
| | JOHNY: George! |
| | |
| 132 | TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we |
| | didn't have ten years ago. |
| | L-JOHNY: Me! |
| | |
| 133 | TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty? |
| | L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are. |
| | |
| 134 | L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark? |
| | FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write? |
| | L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card. |
| | |
| 135 | TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? |
| | L-JOHNY: Don't bite any. |
| | |
| 136 | TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I". |
| | L-JOHNY: I is... |
| | TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am." |
| | L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." |
| | |
| 137 | Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" |
| | L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday |
| | sametime." |
| | |
| 138 | Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and |
| | swims underneath them and counts the number of legs. |
| | There are only 36 legs.HOW?? |
| | Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!! |
| | |
| 139 | L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? |
| | Father : No. Why do you ask that? |
| | L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? |
| | |
| 140 | Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is |
| | green and one is blue with red spots! |
| | L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same |
| | at home. |
| | |
| 141 | Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before |
| | eating? |
| | L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. |
| | |
| 142 | Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as |
| | your brother's. Did u copy his? |
| | L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog! |
selvasekhar |
Latest page update: made by selvasekhar
, Feb 27 2008, 12:24 AM EST
(about this update
About This Update
Moved from: Home
- selvasekhar
No content added or deleted. - complete history) |
|
Keyword tags:
joke
More Info: links to this page
|
There are no threads for this page.
Be the first to start a new thread.
